'Out of the Box' - Resume Blunders Volume 1

The following quotations have been taken from CVs and covering letters received during my efforts to recruit suitable volunteers for projects at the British Council. There are also few that I came across from other sources including my HR friends who have been unkind enough to reveal some bizarre ones. While candidates have evidently put in a lot of hard work and diligence in writing their CVs, it's unfortunate that errors slip through and make the wrong impression on exactly the wrong people.

CVs

• "I am very detial-oriented."
• "I worked as a Corporate Lesion."
• "Objective: To have my skills and ethics challenged on a daily basis."
• "Special skills: Thyping."
• “Key strengths – Stamina, Communication Skills, Hardwork"
• "I have exhaustive experience in marketing."
• "Strengths: Ability to meet deadlines while maintaining composer."
• "Education: B.A. in Loberal Arts."
• "Education: College, August 1880 - May 1984."
• "Personal Qualities: Outstanding worker; flexible 24 hours a day, seven days a week, 365 days a year."
• "Interests: I like to workout in my free time. I enjoy listening to music. I love to shopping in new places."
• "Accomplishments: Completed 11 years of high school."
• “Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year.”
• “Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave.”
• “Personal interests: donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far.”

Covering Letters:

• "Thank you for your consideration. Hope to hear from you shorty!"
• "Here are my qualifications for you to overlook."
• "I am a quick leaner, dependable, and motivated."
• "You are privileged to receive my resume."
• “Please find my resume is attached .. ”

The Promising Covering Letter

I came across this covering letter from an applicant applying for a job

Request for the post of trainee from female applicant:

Understanding from a reliable source that the post of trainee in your institution has fallen vacant, I beg to offer myself as a candidate for the situation. The curriculum vitae and attested copies of all testimonials are attached herewith. If you select me for the post, I can assure you that I shall spare no pains to discharge my duties to the entire satisfaction of my superiors.

I have the honour to be, Sir,

Yours most obediently

The Most Remarkable CV Ever Written !

A Curriculum Vitae in its literal translation means 'the course of my life' and there are millions who burn the midnight oil to get it right. People fiddle with it umpteen times desperately trying to get it right and to get that job they've long considered to be rightfully theirs. We all have witnessed people scavenge through libraries to hunt upon that one book that promises to offer a magical recipe for awesome CVs. Poeple don't spare the web either and they could be seen ravaging through several pages in their pursuit to gather all the wisdom floating around. The masterpiece once painstakingly produced is often seen tossed around for quick review and instant feedback. Ones who review them pretend to know-it-all mindless of the misery they themselves went through while crafting their own CVs.

My inaugural piece of writing on CVs presents one of the most hilarious CVs I ever came across. This CV is one big entertainer and a subtle reminder of things you should never ever write for your prospective employer to read. For obvious reasons, the true identity of the person is best left undisclosed.

"Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it."

--Henry David Thoreau

Hello,

Myself Kakoli Basu. I am a 23 years old girl. (I born in 9^th November, 1987.) I have completed M.Sc in Zoology from ____________  in 2010

Objective:

I love challenges. And for this reason I would like to work in the field of HR. As this field is pretty challenging. As you need to deal with various people everyday & you should have a keen understanding to produce the best outcome. Here you are teacher, listener, leader. examiner ,manager ,friend and even learner. This job requires more patience, as you are not dealing with objects, you are dealing with human who has emotion. Everyone has different perspective unlike those non-living things. You need be calm, caring and  understanding always.

For me HR means HOPE & RESPONSIBILITY = SUCCESS

I think hope for the achievements and taking responsibility is the two basic key words which can bloom the career.

 As a beginner in this field, I would like utilize my full potential. My attitude will be always professional and I will always remain flexible to take any responsibility needed for the growth of my company.

Skills:

1. Known languages: (Fluent in)  

Ø      English (Speak, Read, Write)

Ø      Hindi    (Speak, Read, Write)

Ø      Bengali (Speak, Read, Write)

2. Computer Knowledge: 

Ø      Computer basic

Ø      Microsoft office

Ø      Known programming languages –  C, C++, Oracle PL-SQL.

Here I need to mention that I don’t have any industrial degree like BBA/MBA and I am a fresher. I even can’t speak any foreign language other than English. So, for industrial job my resume is average or below average. But then why do you recruit me??? Because I have the following qualities for which you can give a second look to my resume. And I won’t disappoint you… Promise!!!

Ø    Good communication skill – Good communication skill is the art of living a better life. In HR job this is the most important thing you should know. I am confident that I can communicate well with people. Communication does not only mean to talk. It includes-

·     Ability to listen

·     Ability to express

·     Ability to impress

·     Ability to understand the situation, place and person & talk accordingly.

·     Respect for others

·     Openness

·     Sense of humor.

If a person possesses all these qualities, then it is to be said that he/she has good communication skill.

Ø   Flexibility at work – I hate the word ‘no’. I believe everything we can do if we can dream it. The world is full of uncertainty and difference, and these differences makes world beautiful. So people should have the mindset to take any responsibility and there come the word flexibility. Flexibility to learn, flexibility to work with new projects, flexibility to adopt new environment. Famous scientist Charles Darwin has already stated the “Survival of the fittest” theory. And I believe I will survive.

Ø   High team work performance – For me my team is my family & in any case I would serve for the betterment of my team. At first place I am working for my company, then for my team and lastly for myself.

Ø   Good management skill – In any field especially in which you are going to research on human resource you must need this skill. And I know I can do this. I can.

Ø   Ability to cope up with any environment – Flexibility I have mentioned earlier.

Ø   Pleasing personality

Ø   Hard working & enthusiastic – Work is life.

Ø   Willingness & ability to learn new things – Learning is fun.

Ø   Perfectionist – I always try to know in detail. Quality matters not quantity.

Ø   High time managing skill – In Doha Kabeer has said “Tomorrows work do today, today's work now. If the moment is lost, the work be done how.” I value moments. I value time.

Ø   Ability to work for long hours until it finished – Stamina, one of my strength.

Ø   And last but not the least I can work in any shift, agreed to migrate in any place and also I can work in holidays if required.

è My three topmost strengths:  Stamina, communication skill, flexibility

è My weaknesses: I am bit over sensitive and sometimes I am bit talkative than average people.

Aim:

As an entry-level HR professional, my aim would be to become HR manager with my hard work and sincerity. My aim would also involve working in coordination with the senior employees and building rapport with them. I would also like to learning managerial skills from senior managers and to excel in the job efficiently.

Now it’s time to give a brief academic detail. Here it goes :

1. Secondary Examination:  Madhyamik Pariksha under _______________

Passing Year: 2003

Percentage of marks: 76.25%, 1st Division

2. Higher Secondary Examination :  Higher Secondary Examination under _________________________

Passing Year: 2005

Percentage of marks: 69.4%, 1st Division

Stream: Pure science

3.B.Sc  Examination :  Under _________ University

Passing Year: 2008

Subjects: Zoology(Hons.),Botany,Chemistry

Percentage of marks: 65.25%, 1st Class

           

4.M.Sc  Examination :

Passing Year: 2010

University:

Subject: Zoology

Percentage of marks: 71.60% (1st Class)

Grade point: 4.92 (A+)

I hereby declare that all the information given above is true is best of my knowledge.

Date :

Place:                                                                 Signature of candidate

Thanks a lot for viewing my resume……….