The Marriage Proposal

Please read (without stretching your imagination) and keep laughing. This is so incredibly funny that I'm pretty convinced that it is genuine, there's no way anyone could make this up!

This is an actual letter (taken from the Times of India ) in response to a `Marriage Proposal' advertisement.

Madam,

I am one young gentleman living only with myself in Patna. I am seeing your advertisement for marriage purpose in the daily newspaper. So I decide to press myself on you and I am hopping you will make the marriage with me.

I am the son of my father & mother of agriculture family from inside Patna. I having no sister and no brother also. I become big in Patna only. I educate myself in the Zuarilal Himmatlal High School, Bezna Road. I am nice and big, six foots tall and six inches long. My body is filled with hardness why because I am working hardly. I am playing also hardly; Especially I am liking the cricket. I am a good batter also I am fast baller. Whenever I am coming running for the balling, all batters are running everywhere why because they are afraiding my balls. My balls are bouncing too much high. That is very danger for them.

I am very nice gentleman. I always laughing loudly at everyone. I am happy always and gay also. Ladies they are saying I am nice and soft because I giving respect to them. I am always liking if ladies are on top. That is how nice I am. I am not having any bad habits. I drink milk only and no other bad things. I am not chewing cigarettes or eating gutkapaan why because it not good for all the peoples. So I am not doing so. I am keep fitting every day. Morning I am going to jim and I am pumping like anything. Daily I am pumping and pumping. If you want you can came and see how I pumping the dumb bells in the jim. And now good muscles are come outing everywhere.

I am having very much money in my pant every day and my pant is every day open for you why because I am nice gentleman, but still I am living with myself only. What to do? So I am taking my things into my own hands every day. That is why I want to press myself on you, so that you will come and take my things into your hands.

Madam, if you are marrying me, I am telling you, I will be hardly loving you every day. If you are not marrying me then I will press you and press you until you come. I am at your feet and slowing looking up, with hope. I am waiting very badly for your reply why because I am stiff with excitement and anticipation.

Expecting good answer and replies to me in the future.

Namaste.

Yours,

Hiralal Yadav

Mail from an English Course Participant

Dear Miss Poulomi:

I am sorry that I had to go to Bokaro tomorrow,and have some job there for about 4 days.It is a big project Bokaro Steel Plant, tens of our equipment are working there, our customer and my company are attaching top importance to this China-India project and plan to achieve more as much as possible before the rain season. thought I am eager to complete my english class as well as improve my english level, I still need to serve my company and duty first.

For the last 2 months, I have a lot of job in Jharsuguda Orrisa, normally I went on Tuesday/Thursday/Saturday moring and come back the same day evening in order to catch my British Council english lessions.

So can you think of that and kindly hope you can help to award me the certificate.

thanks & regards

sing ding

'Out of the Box' - Resume Blunders Volume 2

All good things come to an end with strong exception to the huge stock of hilarious linguistic lapses. I have volumes to publish on funny errors that ornament CVs and accompanying letters. Here's volume 2 of my priceless collection.

• "This has reference to your advertisement calling for a 'Typist and an Accountant - Male or Female'... As I am both (!!) for the past several years and I can handle both with good experience, I am applying for the post. 

• "I would be prepared to meet with you at your earliest convenience to discuss what I can do to your company." 

• "It is my professional objective to obtain a position which allows me to make use of my commuter skills." 

• "Enclosed is my resume for your viewing pleasure." 

• "You are privileged to receive my resume." 

• "10 years of experience in financail budgiting and Transactions rigistering." 

• "I'm submitting the attached copy of my resume for your consumption." 

• Skills: "Grate communication skills." 

• "Responsibilities included recruiting, screening, interviewing and executing final candidates." 

• "My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels, and my ability to complete projects on time is unspeakable." 

• "Experienced in all faucets of accounting."

Watch out for more!