Examples of funny errors in emails

I got the mail. It was in the spasm box.

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hello Madam

As per AICET, the following reference is complassory,

Total Volume - For per Branch - 500 Vol, i.e - for 4 branch- 2000 volume must be,

Total Title - For per Branch - 100 Title, i.e - for 4 branch- 400 Title  must be,

Hope that, This information helps you.

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Dear Sir/Mam,

we have got your mail.But not yet opened.So when we will open the same you will get the response of your mail.

Principal,

Gulmohar school

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Dear Sir,

I have completed three months in the company as per my contractual agreement I am allotted one leave after the first three months. I would like to take my first leave this month on the 19^th of October 2009.

The convenience caused by my absence is deeply regretted. 

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Email from an Institute expressing regret over non-payment of membership fee

"Aapnee tow jaanen, we are a govt organisation. That is why we are lating…."

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At the end of a message I often send "Best Regards" with my name at the end. Two times now I have sent the following when typing in a hurry;

"Best Retards"

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I have sent a few emails like "please find attached the report on the....." and then forget the attachment. Its OK when I realised straight away and resent it, but once I did this and then went away on holiday for 2 weeks. I came back to loads of emails from people saying "WHERE IS THE ATTACHMENT?

I haven't done this for a while. I've learnt from my mistakes...

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What causes earthquakes?

(Excerpts from an answer sheet of a class IX Geography student somewhere in Kolkata. The answer sheet was tucked inside my shirt delivered post ironing by the local iron-man i.e dhobi.)

The cause of mechanism of earthquake is the building, hospital are the earthquake to stop the mechanism of land of the earthquake to positive to earthquake is the cause of block the earthquake and mechanism is to come to the earthquake degradation to compounds of the earthquake to the earth of mechanism underground pressure to the land is degration to the soil of mechanism of the cause of the matter of the underground land have damage to that why earthquake is cause a damage, it like, Industrial to shape it to the and damage to the bad river and they have to grow in the water of and water goes in soil they have to grow underground land and they have damage that why earthquake is come to the earth and hospital they have chemical reaction to and they have land will goes on underground the land and land have become a damage of the thus why is called earthquake.

The Longest Out-of-Office Email Message Ever Written

This is perhaps the longest out of office reply I ever came across

From: Amit Sen

Sent: 04 January 2011 18:56

To: Bhattacharya, Aparajita 

Subject: Out of Office AutoReply: workshop

Dear Sir/ Madam

This is to keep you informed that I would be on my annual leave from 20.12.2010 to 11.01.2011. I will join back office on 12.01.2011. I will access all my official mails once I resume official duty on the 12th of January-2011. In case you send me a mail during my leave period please do ensure that you mark copies to Mr.Samar Chatterjee, Mr. Amit Das and Mrs. Harpreet Kaur. In case of an emergency situation please feel free to contact them as well. Their mail ids are as follows - samar.choudhary@gmail.com, amit.kundoo@hotmail.com and harpreet.kaur@yahoo.com. The mobile nos.of Mr.Samar Choudhury and Mrs.Harpreet Kaur are 09830901387 and 09830678979. Wishing you a merry x-mas! and a very happy new year! Good luck and god bless! Best! Amit Sen

Funny Out-of-Office E-mail Messages - Vol 1

For all working professionals, ‘out of office’ is a very familiar expression used frequently by those who seldom stay in office and occasionally by the rest who want to check whether the functionality really works. For those who aren’t familiar with the expression, out of office messages are emails that you can create which auto-reply to anyone who sends you an email while you're away.  Whether you are out for an extended period of time or just out on lunch, people use the out of office functionality for a variety of reasons.

Regardless of when and how you use out of office messages, it's always unconventional and boring to leave the typical "I'm out of the office and returning tomorrow. Please contact my colleague XYZ if urgent." This type of professionalism now needs to come to an end after years of using the same boring strap-line over and over again. Start telling people what you really want to tell them while you're away. 

1. I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you as soon as I get back
2. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn’t have received anything at all.
3. I am on paid leave right now for two weeks. When I get back, I will be on paid return. Upon completing my one week of paid return, I will address any issues or questions you have at a pace I am comfortable with. This is most likely a pace that you will not be comfortable with.
4. I will be out of the office and returning next week. I have incredibly easy access to a phone and email, but I assure you, it will not be used for work purposes.
5. I'm out of the office. If you have immediate questions or concerns, please contact my manager [insert name here]. If your questions or concerns are not immediate, you might want to ask yourself why you emailed me.
6. I will be away from work for one week while training. When I return, don't expect any improvement.
7. I am out of the office at the moment. Unfortunately, I'm returning tomorrow.
8. I am currently interviewing for a new job. Upon my return, I hope to give my two weeks notice and never respond to your email.
9. I am away from the office at this moment. I will still be away from the office at the next moment and returning at a later moment.  If you have any issues at the current moment, and they cannot wait until a later moment, please contact my manager, who may actually be away at the moment.
10. I am away from the office on work. If there is an emergency, please call 100.

4 Letters in a Blog

Letter from an OZ aspirant

Dear Madam,

Thank you very much that you  inform me by mail. Really I am much worry for ENLTS course. Without this course my Australia tour totally stoped last two years. Please help me other ways.

 I am very appreciate with you,

With Regards,

Wakil Hussain

Letter from someone who's just back from Europe

Hi,

How are you? am perfectly alright. You know what am I, I Madhu Pal. A student of E-learning course. I hope you don't forget me. It's have been long day we can't say hello or how are you. I came back from my Europe tour. It was really mindblowing. Vedhika Mam my father met you in British council office. He given you my Charles Walles form. Are you got it? Can you put it the right place of this form? Kindly you can tell me? 

Letter from a library member

Dear Mr Bhattacharya

In response to your letter written on 5^th February for renew membership.

I do not want for closing my membership no. I am very glad for making a relationship with the UK’s international organisation registered in England as a charity.

Thank you to give discount offer. But after build my future plan for going England I have to go your office for collection the serious offering.

Regrate Letter

We had dispatched a DD dtd 04/01/07 amounting Rs6000/- rupees for renewal for our membership. Till now I have not received the receipt.Kindly arrange the same as soon as possible.

It is a matter of grate regrate that our Chairman Prof.Surya pottanaik who is the founder of this institution, He is now no more with us.He left us for ever. So all the correspodence should  name of the Institution or Sr.Liibrarian Mr M Mohapotra.(Library oncharge)

The Marriage Proposal

Please read (without stretching your imagination) and keep laughing. This is so incredibly funny that I'm pretty convinced that it is genuine, there's no way anyone could make this up!

This is an actual letter (taken from the Times of India ) in response to a `Marriage Proposal' advertisement.

Madam,

I am one young gentleman living only with myself in Patna. I am seeing your advertisement for marriage purpose in the daily newspaper. So I decide to press myself on you and I am hopping you will make the marriage with me.

I am the son of my father & mother of agriculture family from inside Patna. I having no sister and no brother also. I become big in Patna only. I educate myself in the Zuarilal Himmatlal High School, Bezna Road. I am nice and big, six foots tall and six inches long. My body is filled with hardness why because I am working hardly. I am playing also hardly; Especially I am liking the cricket. I am a good batter also I am fast baller. Whenever I am coming running for the balling, all batters are running everywhere why because they are afraiding my balls. My balls are bouncing too much high. That is very danger for them.

I am very nice gentleman. I always laughing loudly at everyone. I am happy always and gay also. Ladies they are saying I am nice and soft because I giving respect to them. I am always liking if ladies are on top. That is how nice I am. I am not having any bad habits. I drink milk only and no other bad things. I am not chewing cigarettes or eating gutkapaan why because it not good for all the peoples. So I am not doing so. I am keep fitting every day. Morning I am going to jim and I am pumping like anything. Daily I am pumping and pumping. If you want you can came and see how I pumping the dumb bells in the jim. And now good muscles are come outing everywhere.

I am having very much money in my pant every day and my pant is every day open for you why because I am nice gentleman, but still I am living with myself only. What to do? So I am taking my things into my own hands every day. That is why I want to press myself on you, so that you will come and take my things into your hands.

Madam, if you are marrying me, I am telling you, I will be hardly loving you every day. If you are not marrying me then I will press you and press you until you come. I am at your feet and slowing looking up, with hope. I am waiting very badly for your reply why because I am stiff with excitement and anticipation.

Expecting good answer and replies to me in the future.

Namaste.

Yours,

Hiralal Yadav

Mail from an English Course Participant

Dear Miss Poulomi:

I am sorry that I had to go to Bokaro tomorrow,and have some job there for about 4 days.It is a big project Bokaro Steel Plant, tens of our equipment are working there, our customer and my company are attaching top importance to this China-India project and plan to achieve more as much as possible before the rain season. thought I am eager to complete my english class as well as improve my english level, I still need to serve my company and duty first.

For the last 2 months, I have a lot of job in Jharsuguda Orrisa, normally I went on Tuesday/Thursday/Saturday moring and come back the same day evening in order to catch my British Council english lessions.

So can you think of that and kindly hope you can help to award me the certificate.

thanks & regards

sing ding